Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I think your dad took our porno
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
