There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
