I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Randomize
