I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
