"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
