i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm passing your future prison.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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