My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize