just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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