just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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