Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
