The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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