apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize