pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
