Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
