Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
