If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
