its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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