Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
