Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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