Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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