Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
