Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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