I'm going to jail i love you
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
