dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
