I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
