I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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