I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
