My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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