if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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