I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
