I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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