Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I pour the whiskey from now on
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
