arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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