New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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