And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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