do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
i think my cat just said my name.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Randomize
