Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Blood and glitter go together right?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
