i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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