Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
