I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
