but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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