I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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