Whod you bang
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
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