Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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