If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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