i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
