I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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