this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
