she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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