I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
