my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
