So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
