I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
and you fell through a lawn chair
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
