Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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