he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
