I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
