just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
