Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
