we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
