I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
