that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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