Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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