So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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