She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
