We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
