the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
