I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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